Certainly if there’s one thing that sets civilised man apart from his primitive ancestors, it’s furniture. Forget about the wheel and fire and birth control and all that – modern man’s room is always well-tied together with various home furnishings. Even the sloppiest crackhead has a chair, and most likely some sort of shelving. Otherwise the crack gets lost in the carpet!
But why is furniture so important? Furniture exists so that our lives will be more comfortable. Or, at least, that’s why it should exist. Too many people buy hard, fashionable furniture that feels awful because they think it will impress their dinner guests. Really want to impress them? Set up a circle of La-Z-Boy recliners and serve dinner on bed table trays. Guess who’s coming to dinner? Total relaxation, that’s who.
As evinced in The Big Lebowski, there’s no chair more comfortable or conducive to peace of mind (especially when the police are over) than a nice, big recliner. The La-Z-Boy, the Barcalounger, or just a regular stuffed chair that’s been expertly broken – these are the celestial thrones of Dudeist kings and saints. Nevertheless, the problem with recliners is that (unless you’ve got a special friend who’s not too chubby) only one person can sit in it at a time. And a good Dudeist is not antisocial. Far from it.
That’s why, in addition to a recliner, the ideal Dude has a nice, soft sofa from which to conduct business, woo special friends, or lie on their belly (not so easy in a recliner). The ideal sofa is a sectional one, which is in many ways the most perfect form of furniture ever invented: part couch, part chair, part bed and all awesome. In fact, I’m typing this sermon from a special variety of sectional sofa: the L – Shaped sectional. It’s not quite as calm-inducing as a full sectional (there’s room for a coffee table, from which coffee is often enjoyed, along with other beverages), but pretty cool nonetheless. In the words of Ferris Bueller: I highly recommend it. It is so choice.
So then, one of the fundamentals of Dudeism is to have a good sofa upon which to install your fundament, and those of your friends. Funkmaster George Clinton once said this: “Free your mind, and your ass will follow.” To this we add the corollary: “Calm your ass, and your mind will follow.” After all, ‘taking it easy’ is much easier when you’ve got somewhere easy to take it.
Dudeism is a real religion with over 90,000 ordained Dudeist Priests worldwide. Get ordained and learn more at www.dudeism.com.